APARTMENTMAN/JohnnyBoring Discovers Fugitive Employed at US Attorney's Office !!

Description: APARTMENTMAN/JohnnyBoring Discovers Fugitive Employed at US Attorney's Office !! <br /> <br /> Seven years out from completing his masters in journalism at Columbia (after an interim job for the past 6 years 11 months sweeping coffee grounds at PEET's Coffee) Johnny Boring (JB) is given his first assignment at the Boston Globe. He is to attend the press briefing given by the US Attorneys Office regarding the progress in the search for Blackie Vulgar, notorious fugitive who has been 'on the lamb' for 10 years. (On the lamb is a term of art in the super charged world of the modern day reporter. It derives from the ancient Greek word lamoose which roughly translated means one who dresses in lambs wool and runs away to avoid arrest.-If you are nodding your head in appreciation at the intellectual content of an ad being sprinkled with Greek, don't be, since I just made up the foregoing explanation of 'on the lamb.') <br /> Anyhow, shaking in anticipation, (JB)arrives 3 hours before the conference, certain that he will ask the most probing questions of the conference. Dozing from the effects of a lifetime on Ritalin, (JB) is suddenly jarred back to reality as the curtain goes up. The intellectual might and investigative muscle of the FBI and the US Attorneys office parades onto the stage. Slowly and deliberately one of the assembled blue suits approaches the microphone. Hello I am Assistant US Attorney #312. ( The names are withheld to protect the innocent) <br /> <br /> 'I am here to update you on the progress in the 10 year search for Blackie Vulgar. ' We have made progress and are closing in. Any questions ? <br /> <br /> Perplexed, the reporters turn off their I-Pods and sit at attention. Sally Sycophant from the New York Grime's raises her hand. Acknowledged by #312 she blurts out: <br /> <br /> ' Excuse me #312 I have 2 questions. The first is why aren't you using names anymore ?' and the second is what progress have you made. ? ' <br /> <br /> #312 looks grimly at Sally. ' Well I could tell you that we are now using numbers because the inherent dangers of our jobs requires that we remain hidden from the forces of evil. ' 'However the real reason is that the new $75,000,000,000. computer system we purchased from the Big Dig contractors by OMB only uses numbers not letters. ' As far as what progress has been made , that is highly confidential and could compromise the investigation if devulged at this time. Next question. ' <br /> <br /> Sensing his big chance (JB) raises his hand. <br /> <br /> #312 nods at (JB) 'What's your question ? ' <br /> 'Well Mr #312 ' I also have 2 questions.. I have read that you have formed an elite task force which has already spent $100,000,000. in taxpayers funds unsuccessfully trying to locate Blackie Vulgar. ' <br /> <br /> 'That is correct the elite task force has scoured the globe for the in hot pursuit of the fugitive and the amount of money spent shows how determined we are to catch him. ' Next question sir. ' <br /> <br /> 'Well, I was given an expense sheet detailing the investigation and was wondering about some of the expenditures of your elite task force.. I mean there are a few expenses that seem kind of curious. For example, how does $10,000. in massages at Evette's house of pleasure further the search ? Or this expense for $100,000. food/ lodging for a week at the Cannes Film Festival ? Or this bill for $45,000. submitted by Rolls Royce rentals of Switzerland ? I mean why do you need to rent a Rolls Royce to track down Blackie Vulgar ? <br /> <br /> 'Uh hum.' I am not at liberty to discuss all the expenses of our elite task force but as I said earlier our enormous expenditure of taxpayer funds proves that we are determined to succeed. Much like the 'Big Dig' the end product will certainly justify our expenditures. ? One last question. <br /> <br /> Unable to contain himself while looking at the image of Blackie Vulgar projected above the assembled blue suits, (JB) blurts out: <br /> <br /> 'Excuse me but that man sitting up on the stage next to #312 looks amazingly like the picture of Blackie Vulgar overhead. ' <br /> <br /> As all eyes shift right, blue suit #319 shifts uneasily in his seat as all eyes focus on him. Sensing a lifetime breaking rocks #319 bolts from the stage as the assembled government intelligentsia race in pursuit. Suddenly (JB) gets a page on his new apartment availaable alert button. If you want to come along for the ride you are welcome to join us <br /> <br /> <br /> DIMENSIONS/ DESCRIPTION OF APARTMENT <br /> <br /> As you enter this apartment building on Massachusetts Ave near Harvard Square, you can feel the presence of Oliver Wendall Holmes speaking to you. (Or at least the resident superintendent) Carved wooden ceilings lead you to the gold leaf elevator once featured in a film adaptation of 'The Great Gatsby.' (Actually it wasn't in the Great Gatsby but it should have been.) You step out of the elevator and to the left is your new home. You enter into a locked shared foyer which measures 9 ft x 11ft and to the left is the door to your Cambridge haven. To the left of the entrance is the bathroom which is newly renovated and features a Madonna Vanity. (A Madonna Vanity is a vanity with mirrors so large you can see yourself everywhere you look. Kind of like.......) To the right as you enter is the kitchen which measures 11 ft x 5 ft with exposed brick, track lighting and newly installed 'Glass Matrix Cabinets.' (What are Glass Matrix cabinets you ask. Well you will have to call me to explain.) To the left of the kitchen is the living room which measures 16 feet x 15 feet with a Ulysses Bow window. (What is a Ulysses Bow window ?? OK, I'll tell you. The whole front of the apartment is framed by three windows that look out on Massachusetts Ave. When I first saw the window it made me think of a large bent bow. Since we were talking to Ulysses earlier it just seemed fitting to call it ..................) Straight ahead in the living room is a beautiful fireplace with a carved wood mantle and carved wood Corinthian Columns on either side. To the left of the living room is the bedroom which measures 12 ft x 10 ft with 1 closet. Steps from Harvard Square. Call ASAP to see. Copyright (2003-2010) James V Castelli