APARTMENTMAN/JohnnyBoring Discovers Blackie Vulgar Employed at US Attorney's Office !!

Description: <br /><br />APARTMENTMAN/JohnnyBoring Discovers Blackie Vulgar Employed at US Attorney's Office !!<br /><br /> Seven years out from completing his masters in journalism at Columbia (after an interim job for the past 6 years 11 months sweeping coffee grounds at PEET's Coffee) Johnny Boring (JB) is given his first assignment at the Boston Globe. He is to attend the press briefing given by the US Attorneys Office regarding the progress in the search for Blackie Vulgar, notorious fugitive who has been 'on the lamb' for 10 years. (On the lamb is a term of art in the super charged world of the modern day reporter. It derives from the ancient Greek word lamoose which roughly translated means one who dresses in lambs wool and runs away to avoid arrest.-If you are nodding your head in appreciation at the intellectual content of an ad being sprinkled with Greek, don't be, since I just made up the foregoing explanation of 'on the lamb.') <br /> Anyhow, shaking in anticipation, (JB)arrives 3 hours before the conference, certain that he will ask the most probing questions of the conference. Dozing from the effects of a lifetime on Ritalin, (JB) is suddenly jarred back to reality as the curtain goes up. The intellectual might and investigative muscle of the FBI and the US Attorneys office parades onto the stage. Slowly and deliberately one of the assembled blue suits approaches the microphone. Hello I am Assistant US Attorney #312. ( The names are withheld to protect the innocent) <br /><br /> 'I am here to update you on the progress in the 10 year search for Blackie Vulgar. ' We have made progress and are closing in. Any questions ?<br /><br /> Perplexed, the reporters turn off their I-Pods and sit at attention. Sally Sycophant from the New York Grime's raises her hand. Acknowledged by #312 she blurts out:<br /><br /> ' Excuse me #312 I have 2 questions. The first is why aren't you using names anymore ?' and the second is what progress have you made. ? '<br /><br /> #312 looks grimly at Sally. ' Well I could tell you that we are now using numbers because the inherent dangers of our jobs requires that we remain hidden from the forces of evil. ' 'However the real reason is that the new $75,000,000,000. computer system we purchased from the Big Dig contractors by OMB only uses numbers not letters. ' As far as what progress has been made , that is highly confidential and could compromise the investigation if devulged at this time. Next question. ' <br /><br /> Sensing his big chance (JB) raises his hand. <br /><br /> #312 nods at (JB) 'What's your question ? ' <br /> 'Well Mr #312 ' I also have 2 questions.. I have read that you have formed an elite task force which has already spent $100,000,000. in taxpayers funds unsuccessfully trying to locate Blackie Vulgar. '<br /><br /> 'That is correct the elite task force has scoured the globe for the in hot pursuit of the fugitive and the amount of money spent shows how determined we are to catch him. ' Next question sir. '<br /><br /> 'Well, I was given an expense sheet detailing the investigation and was wondering about some of the expenditures of your elite task force.. I mean there are a few expenses that seem kind of curious. For example, how does $10,000. in massages at Evette's house of pleasure further the search ? Or this expense for $100,000. food/ lodging for a week at the Cannes Film Festival ? Or this bill for $45,000. submitted by Rolls Royce rentals of Switzerland ? I mean why do you need to rent a Rolls Royce to track down Blackie Vulgar ? <br /><br /> 'Uh hum.' I am not at liberty to discuss all the expenses of our elite task force but as I said earlier our enormous expenditure of taxpayer funds proves that we are determined to succeed. Much like the 'Big Dig' the end product will certainly justify our expenditures. ? One last question. <br /><br /> Unable to contain himself while looking at the image of Blackie Vulgar projected above the assembled blue suits, (JB) blurts out:<br /><br /> 'Excuse me but that man sitting up on the stage next to #312 looks amazingly like the picture of Blackie Vulgar overhead. ' <br /><br /> As all eyes shift right, blue suit #319 shifts uneasily in his seat as all eyes focus on him. Sensing a lifetime breaking rocks #319 bolts from the stage as the assembled government intelligentsia race in pursuit. Suddenly (JB) gets a page on his new apartment availaable alert button. If you want to come along for the ride you are welcome to join us<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />. DIMENSIONS/ DESCRIPTION OF APARTMENT<br /><br /> It is a top floor (6th floor-elevator in the building) apt with hardwood floors throughout. The main living area measures 19 ft x 12 ft with 9 ft ceilings. The room has a beautiful view looking down on Cambridge through the 4 windows that surround the room. There is a fireplace (Sorry it does not work but it sure looks good), and a separate kitchen measuring 10 ft x 6 ft with new wood cabinets and gas range. (So you can watch Emiral and try to make "Cajun popcorn" at the same time) The bathroom, which measures 11 ft x 5 ft, is recently tiled and believe it or not the bathroom has a window with a view. (Can you imagine yourself sitting in your hot bathtub in December with the lights out, Brahams playing in the background, flickering candles all around looking out on the snow falling on Cambridge-(Just bear with me since this is my fantasy not yours!) Anyhow call ASAP to see.<br /><br />JV Castelli and Associates RE (617) 975-2814 or email:<br />jvcastelli@earthlink.net<br />